I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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