im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize