It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i already hear my dad disowning me
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
