I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Redeem this text for a blowjob
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you will always have a special place in my vag
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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