I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
