When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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