O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
