I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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