I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
