i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
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Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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