that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just found puke in my bra..
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
