she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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