8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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