I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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