this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
