i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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