R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
