States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
