Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
