and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
vagina is talking i cant
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
