Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
