i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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