I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
