i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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