I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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