I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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