i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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