Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
