do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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