i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
can u get pink eye on your cock?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
