There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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