I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Be still, my beating vagina.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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