I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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