this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
