Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
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If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
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We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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