apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
