Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
