I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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