Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
