Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
