Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We just shotgunned beers for America
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
