can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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