i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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