I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
