I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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