In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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