My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
