I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
