then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I wish i was in the wii world.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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