Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
