booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
