Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
