I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
