ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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