I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
