I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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