I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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