I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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