And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
