Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
