so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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