What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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