I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
