I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize