no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
