DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
