Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
