my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
